Do you tell them what they bring to your world?

There are moments when we have the thought that somebody is important to us, that he or she makes a difference in our life, that we are grateful to him, her, them. And this thought stays only with us. We keep it only for ourselves. It remains unspoken. How often does it happen to you? Do you recognize those moments?

Things are changing, but some needs remain the same. We all desire to hear good things about ourselves, we all want to be seen and heard. It is during challenging moments, when we are going through tough times in life, when it is even more important to be generous to one another. Paradoxically, during difficult times we might also tend to focus so much on ourselves, our needs and our world that we might lose sight of what others bring to our lives or we just keep silent.

When was the last time that you said, ‘I am just grateful to you’, last time you really saw and heard others, when you recognized small gestures and contributions, no matter how small they seemed? We can do this with our colleagues, friends, spouses, kids, friends, parents, anyone, it has no limit. We never know what it could mean to the other person. Sometimes it is hope, encouragement, confidence, emotional fuel. When communicating those apparently small things, we are showing others that they are not invisible, that they have impact in our lives, that they bring something unique and it is such a powerful message.

With noticing those moments in relationships comes gratitude, a strong and complex feeling. We have more and more access to that feeling on our path of becoming. And it is not about flying over moon and saying, ‘How beautiful the world is!’. The truth is that always there is the ugly and there is always the beautiful. The good and the bad. This is what makes us human, real, and complete. If we didn’t experience the ugly, the world would have been very fluffy and fake.

Why don’t we share those positive things we observe in others? Why do we find difficult saying that we are grateful for something to somebody? What are we waiting for? Well, we can stand in our own way. We can be blind to what’s happening around, in the relationships, in us and in others. For different reasons.

We are in a constant rush, so many things are calling for our attention that we simply put sharing what we observe, think and feel aside, waiting for perfect timing and thinking we will do it someday. We underestimate the power of short texts and random compliments. We assume that something doesn’t matter, or we wait for extraordinary moments to speak up. And we miss the chances along the way. We might also think that people know that we think good and warm of them. Perhaps they know, the question is if that means they don’t need to hear that from us. Most probably most of them do need that.

Expressing gratitude might be challenging because it requires courage. In those moments we are vulnerable. I am basically showing that I needed something, and I received it because of somebody. Because of somebody some part of my life is better. This ‘receiving’ piece can be a big deal for some of us. We are afraid of losing control. What if she or he takes advantage of me? What if I look stupid? What if I lose my face? We could be so intimidated or scared saying the good things to others that we rather say nothing and keep it to ourselves. Some people might find sharing the positive things with others weird and awkward. It requires needs language they don’t use. That feels abstract and distant to them. They can’t talk about feelings, talk about what others bring to their world. And it doesn’t mean that they don’t care. They might care. They just can’t speak up. It is part of their story.

If you think there is nothing good to talk about, perhaps it is worth looking more carefully, with all your eyes and heart. Perhaps you will see it, perhaps not. Whenever you do, you might choose to speak up. Certainly, not always and only if you genuinely mean it. So, maybe you learnt something from somebody today? Perhaps somebody has given you something more of themselves lately?

The question is: How naturally expressing gratitude comes to you? How generous are you in saying good things to others? In recognizing the difference they make in your life as a person and as a professional? If you notice that it is a struggle for you, what does it tell you?

We believe that responding to these questions is a great opportunity to choose becoming, to again go inside, do the hard job, show up and be a better version of ourselves.