What does it tell about me?

Two people. They meet. Whatever one person does, it lands somehow in the other one. And it might not be a big deal and mean literally nothing. Or it could land very deep inside. Here’s the thing. We influence one another. It is like an emotional ping-pong. Someone says something or does something. Or someone doesn’t say anything and does nothing. It always resonates with us in either way. And there are moments when it makes a huge noise in ourselves. Have you ever been there? We have experienced that. With apparently ordinary moments. We believe those are the moments of truth about ourselves. How come that some part of me is being shaken so much? Why am I so vulnerable? There is always something behind. My own stuff, my garbage, the story that I bear inside. Whatever happens inside me, it tells something about me. Something very true and real. Emotions don’t lie. You just need to see through them. And connect to the emotions once they unfold. To get to that part of you that is shaken. Too bad too many times we stay blind to it. We just move on without observing what’s happening and what those moments bring to us.

We invalidate our feelings. We tell ourselves, “It shouldn’t bother me!”, “I am stronger than this”, “There is something wrong with me”, “Come on, grow up!”. And even if we numb our emotions, it doesn’t make them disappear magically. They will come back. Perhaps even stronger. And it could be that our loved ones will get in the way. The people who had nothing to do with those feelings. We might project our difficult emotions on them. Anger, frustration, pain that don’t belong to them. They belong to you.

We make up different stories blaming others for how we feel. We tell ourselves, “What the hell is wrong with him! Why he is so mean, insensitive, arrogant…”, you fill the gap. True, somebody might be insensitive, arrogant or vain. But why does it move me so much? Why does it hurt? There could be million reasons. Perhaps deep down I care about that person. I care so much that it hurts when he or she doesn’t respond as I expected, maybe he or she said too much or too little. Perhaps my ego suffers. I feel insecure. I see in a person something I desire but I don’t have. Maybe I even feel envious somehow. Perhaps my wounds opened up. The ones that I felt were healed already. When I am triggered, it is very probable that the action of the other person is somehow violating a core value that is important to me, maybe it is reminding me of a need that is yet unfilled, maybe it is reflecting something that I reject and I am scared to see in myself. It is not easy, could be frightening to go there. It takes courage, time and self-love. Ultimately the payoff could be enormous. I can become stronger and I might find other meaning to my experience. I can learn to love that piece of me that was “hidden” buried but still fragile. And I can take care of those pieces with compassion. We’re all doing our best.

When someone does something and it moves me, again the choice is mine. Where my attention goes? To him or her? And is the first question that comes to my mind “What is wrong with them…”? Or do I take a deep breath to be brave, see inside myself and let the emotion guide me to that piece of me that I keep hidden even from myself? So, how often do you go deeper inside yourself looking closer at the noise inside you? Do you take time to understand those moments? Why would you choose to go this way?